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via Scott Stanley: The Endowment Effect is psychological effect discovered by research psychologists and behavioral economists. It reflects the now well-proven fact that people place a greater value on a thing they already own than they would if they did not own that thing and had to buy it…There are some tricky implications for romantic relationships here. For example, for the average pretty good to great marriage, the Endowment Effect helps you stick to their commitment when times are a bit tougher because you so highly value what you already have. And you should, because you’ve invested a lot and what you invested would result in a lot of loss if you don’t stick. If you are married, have built a life together, have children, and all sorts of other things, you are, so to speak, very well endowed.  On the other hand, what if you are dating and trying to find the right person to spend your life with? This Endowment Effect also means that you can easily get too settled with a current partner who’s not really a good long-term fit, and not move on when maybe you should.

via Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears: As a judge I have long held a front row seat to the wreckage left behind by our culture of disposable marriage and casual divorce that my brother so despised. No-fault divorce was a response to a very real problem. The social and legal landscape that preceded it largely prevented casual divorce, but it often trapped people in abusive marriages. It also turned divorces into even uglier affairs than they are today, forcing people to expose in court damaging information about their children’s other parent. That system was intolerable, and we should never go back to that. But no-fault divorce’s broad acceptance as an unquestioned social good helped usher in an era that fundamentally altered the seriousness with which marriage is viewed. It effectively ended marriage as a legal contract since either party can terminate it, with or without cause. This leaves many people struggling to remake their lives after painful divorces that they do not want. It also left many parents cut off from, or sidelined in, the lives of the children they love…Of course, there are occasions when divorce is necessary. And not everyone should marry. But it has become too easy for people to walk away from their families and commitments without a real regard for the gravity of their decision and the consequences for other people, particularly children. Removing no-fault divorce as a legal option may not be the right way to move forward, and the solutions we need may not be entirely legal in nature. But answers must be found. The coupling and uncoupling we’ve become accustomed to undermines our democracy, destroys our families and devastates the lives of our children, who are not as resilient as we may wish to think. The one-parent norm, which is necessary and successful in many cases, nevertheless often creates a host of other problems, from poverty to crime, teen pregnancy and drug abuse.

Marriage and motherhood — it’s the dream that begins in childhood for many women. Yet more African-American women are deciding to adopt instead of waiting for a husband, says Mardie Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, an adoption referral and support group in Penn Valley, California.”We’re seeing more and more single African-American women who are not finding men,” Caldwell says. “There’s a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with.” The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women. (full article)

via Washingtontimes.com: From reality show stars like Jon and Kate Gosselin to politicians to the folks next door - what we thought were the most solid of marriages are falling apart. Many of us are now feeling a bit sick to our stomachs at revelations of infidelity - and are beginning to wonder whether there is any real hope left for this sacrament called marriage. America’s children and our national future suffer when mom and dad reject their vows. The social science data are clear: Men, women and children are all better off financially, emotionally and physically when they are part of an intact family unit where mom and dad are fully committed to each other. // related: How to divorce new-millennium style (and I love Kate Gosselin)

via: IrishTimes.com: According to new statistics published today. Accord, the Catholic marriage care service, said that problems around internet usage and the amount of time that people stay online is causing difficulties in relationships. During 2009, marital difficulties related to internet usage grew substantially, according to the service. Other common problems cited by clients include communication and conflict, sexual and intimacy issues, depression and infidelity. ”The key areas which are causing conflict are internet gambling, infidelity and one partner spending too much time online rather than with their spouse and family,” said John Farrelly, director of counselling with Accord. The statistics have been compiled from data on over 25,000 clients who attended counselling sessions in 2007, 2008 and the first half of this year. According to the service, over 30,000 counselling sessions were provided in 2008.

Children whose parents separate are twice as likely to under-achieve at school, suffer mental health problems and struggle to form lasting relationships, according to research commissioned by Ed Balls. Effects of family breakdown can be ‘enduring’ and persist well into adulthood, the study for the Schools Secretary concluded. It also reported that one in six children growing up in stepfamilies show social and emotional problems, against one in 10 whose parents stayed together. The study suggests that pre-marital couples classes - which cover communication skills and the importance of sharing experiences - could reduce divorce rates. The effects on children are worse if mothers become depressed or anxious and if parenting standards slip, the report said.

via CNN.com: A new Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that a shocking 72 percent of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point. But despite the occasional rocky patch, 71 percent expected to be with their husbands for the rest of their lives. So how do you make it to the finish line with your relationship intact? Each decade will have its own drama, be it child-rearing, layoffs, second careers, and middle-aged angst, along with a big helping of the in-sickness-and-in-health stuff. Here’s how to have a healthy relationship every step of the way. 1. Watch your waistline, 2. Have a financial plan, 3. Figure out your family rules, 4. Make sex a priority — but not a chore, 5. Be flexible, 6. Stay active as you age, 7. Gab (a little) to your friend, 8. Rediscover each other as a couple, sans kids, 9. Be a conscious caregiver // Related: Smart Marriages

Statement from first lady Jenny Sanford: I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children. I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago…(read more).